Characters

Brittanyman / Brittany Law

Cujo / Wayne Mowery

Linda Evianiak

Wacko Woman

Captain Creep

Violet

Scene1: Winning and Losing

NARRATOR

Upon removing Gregory James from his uncomfortable predicament and releasing Casey from his bindings, Brittanyman and Cujo were startled to see their friend, Linda, to say the least.

LINDA

[jumps in front of Brittanyman and Cujo while wearing Ninja suit] I won the lottery!  I don't ever have to go to school again because I'm a millionaire!  I can do whatever I want, when I want!

BRITTANYMAN

And you want to run around in a ninja suit?

LINDA

Yes!  And this! [gets into crane position and then kicks Cujo in groin]

CUJO

Owwww! [falls over] You don't do that to a man!

BRITTANYMAN

But you're not a man.

LINDA

Quit whining!  Here, go buy yourself some more lotion. [throws money at Cujo and runs away, randomly striking ninja poses]

CUJO

[gets up and puts away money] That was weird [pauses and motions to injured area] and painful.

Who cares, it was funny.  In fact, it was so funny I'd like to see it again. [kicks Cujo in groin] Ha, ha!

CUJO

[falls over] I'm going to need a lot of ice right now, if I'm ever going to have children.  And even if I do, they'll probably come out all wrong because of this.

BRITTANYMAN

[says sarcastically] If you ever have children, they're coming out wrong because they're your children.

CUJO

[gets up] Why didn't you ever say that kind of stuff to Fairyboy?  That's mean!

BRITTANYMAN

No, this is mean. [kicks Cujo in groin]

CUJO

[falls over] Now this is getting really annoying, and still painful! [gets up]

BRITTANYMAN

You had better get used to feeling like a weak little girl because at the meeting all the superheroes are going to tear you to shreds because you're a sidekick.

CUJO

Now they won't because I'm serious about saving the day and getting the girl in the end, or in my case the hot Russian chick.

BRITTANYMAN

You're right, I should treat you with more respect.

CUJO

I'm glad you feel that way.

BRITTANYMAN

Yeah, now let's get a move on, bitch. [walks away]

Scene2: Hardly a Brotherhood

BRITTANYMAN, CUJO

[enter room] What is this?

NARRATOR

When Brittanyman and Cujo heard about the Brotherhood of International Truth Championing Heroes, they thought it would be a large organization of the best and bravest superheroes.  They were wrong.  They were very wrong.

CAPTAIN CREEP

[says cheerfully] Hi, I'm Captain Creep!  Don't take my name so seriously, it's just that I'm very stealthy.  You know, like I can creep along a wall, get it?

WACKO WOMAN

[says in low threatening voice] I'm Wacko Woman.  You have a problem with that? [gets in Brittanyman and Cujos faces, snarling]

BRITTANYMAN, CUJO

[say fearfully] No.

VIOLET

[says in a false Russian accent] Hello, I am Violet.

CUJO

You may not be much of a looker, but you're Russian, so come over here and talk to me. [grabs Violet away from the rest of the group]

CUJO, VIOLET

[talk on the other side of room where theyre not heard]

WACKO WOMAN

[chuckles] Looks like he fooled another one.

CAPTAIN CREEP

[giggles] Sure does.

BRITTANYMAN

He, who?

WACKO WOMAN

Don't tell me you can't sense it.  If you try, you'll be able to.  All heroes with powers can see pass the truth.

NARRATOR

Brittanyman concentrated and used her heightened senses to see what Violet really was.

BRITTANYMAN

Oh my God!  You mean she's a [gets cut off by Cujo]

CUJO

What!?! [runs over to Brittanyman and hides behind her]

BRITTANYMAN

Guess you found out he's not Russian. [laughs]

CUJO

You mean he's not even Russian?  It's bad enough I hit on a transvestite, but one that's not even Russian makes it worse!

VIOLET

[uses natural voice] I take offense at that.  Part of my feminine persona is to be Russian.

BRITTANYMAN

Yeah, don't be so offensive.

WACKO WOMAN

Really, you should be ashamed of your behavior.

CUJO