Characters

Brittanyman / Brittany Law

Fairyboy / Tim McPeters

Jason St. Lawrence

Wayne Mowery

Angela Martini

Matt Smith

Scene 1: Sensitive Equipment

NARRATOR

Even though she was a superhero, for Brittanyman it wasn't a good day for her to face a most eccentric enemy.

ANGELA

Hold still, I'm not going to be able to get it on you if you move!

FAIRYBOY

Well sorry, but it wasn't my idea to wear these wires instead of the headsets.

WAYNE

Hey, I thought that if you wore wires and an earpiece we could do undercover work or something.

BRITTANYMAN

In these outfits!  I don't know what kind of places you thought of us going undercover in, but I don't think I want to go there.

ANGELA

[puts wire on Fairyboy by yanking off duct tape already applied to him and moving it]

FAIRYBOY

Ouch!  Why is she helping us anyway?

ANGELA

I'm doing this as a favor to Rachael.  She wanted to help you guys test out your new equipment, but she had to watch her brothers.

BRITTANYMAN

[walks over to table and picks up something]  What's this?

WAYNE

[grabs thing out of Brittanymans hands]  Don't touch that!  It's very sensitive equipment.  [places it down]  It can pick up stress frequencies so that if you're ever busy fighting someone, we can take over any other situations.

BRITTANYMAN

That's stupid, with my incredible abilities of picking up heavy stuff, jumping over a trailer park without falling, cussing out entire mobs of evil-doers, X-ray vision, and supersonic hearing?  There's no reason for you to have a [gets cut off by beeping device].

[stress pin pointer beeps]

WAYNE

Look at what it found.  [examines screen of stress pin pointer]  According to this, at the gymnasium at Stemmers there's someone screaming.

BRITTANYMAN

I think I can hear it.  [uses supersonic hearing to hear man with Canadian accent]

JASON ST. LAWRENCE

Make it stop!  Make it stop! Aaaahhhhh!

NARRATOR

The distressed Canadian man Brittanyman heard really did need help, mental help to be more specific.

BRITTANYMAN

Let's go Fairyboy!

FAIRYBOY

Okay, let me just get my wand first. 

Scene 2: Canadian Badminton Champion

BRITTANYMAN, FAIRYBOY

[burst through gymnasium doors rather dramatically]

JASON ST. LAWRENCE

Thank goodness, its aboot time you got here, ay.  I tried kidnapping him, but he kept singing that stupid song.

MATT

[sings] Stacy's mom has got it goin' on.  Stacy's mom has got it goin' on.  Stacy's mom has got it goin' on.  Stacy's mom has got it goin' on.  Stacy, can I come over after school?  We can hang around by the pool.  Did your mom get back from her business trip?  Is she there, or is she trying to give me the slip? You know, I'm not the little boy that I used to be.  I'm all grown up now, baby can't you [gets cut off by Jason St. Lawrence]

                                 JASON ST. LAWRENCE

Ferme-la !  Cessez le chant !

                                          BRITTANYMAN

What did he say?

WAYNE

[says to Brittanyman, which she hears in her earpiece]  I got it.  I was able to make a translator.  It's French for, shut up, stop singing.

FAIRYBOY

Matt, you should go.  This fight is between us and him now.

MATT

Okay, whatever.  [leaves singing Stacy's Mom]

JASON ST. LAWRENCE

Non, vous pouvez aller aussi.  Je la veux juste.

WAYNE

[says to Fairyboy, which he hears in his earpiece]  No, you can go too.  I just want her.

FAIRYBOY

Well fine, be that way!  [storms out of gymnasium]

BRITTANYMAN

So now that you've gotten rid of my sidekick what do you want, you peg-legged jerk?  Or should I call you a Canadian, ay?  [chuckles]

JASON ST. LAWRENCE

You can call me Jason St. Lawrence.

WAYNE

[says to Brittanyman]  Jason St. Lawrence!  Ooh, Brittanyman get his autograph for me!

BRITTANYMAN

[to Wayne]  What?  Why? Is he famous or something?

WAYNE

Is he famous?  Are you kidding?  He's only the greatest Canadian badminton player ever!  He's my hero.  It's just too bad that he had to have that accident.

BRITTANYMAN

What accident?

JASON ST. LAWRENCE

Laissez-moi vous dire une histoire.  Une histoire de douleur et d'échec.  J'étais au dessus de mon jeu.  Tout I requis être le joueur supérieur en tout de la division des hommes canadiens du badminton devait défaire mon rival, mon frère Hermes.  Nous avons été attachés, mais puis car j'étais sur le point de renvoyer le birdie, les poteaux nets sont tombés sur moi et ma jambe a dû être amputée.  Nous n'avons pas parlé depuis et je n'ai jamais pu faire me prendre n'importe qui au sérieux.  La défaite de vous, avec vos qualifications superbes incroyables de jouer des sports avec des raquettes car j'ai entendu, m'aidera à regagner ma position dans le monde de badminton.

BRITTANYMAN

Huh?

WAYNE

[says to Brittanyman]  Let me tell you a story.  A story of pain and failure.  I was at the top of my game.  All I needed to be the top player in all of the Canadian men's division of badminton was to defeat my rival, my brother Hermes.  We were tied, but then as I was about to return the birdie, the net poles fell on top of me and my leg had to be amputated.  We haven't spoken ever since and I've never been able to have anyone take me seriously.  Defeating you, with your incredible super skills of playing sports with rackets as I've heard, will help me regain my standing in the badminton world. 

BRITTANYMAN

Dude, I don't know what youve heard, but I suck at badminton.  You really don't have to do this. 

JASON ST. LAWRENCE

Too afraid to face me, ay?

BRITTANYMAN

Actually, I didn't want to embarrass you by beating you, but since you put it that way [pauses and then says with attitude] bring it on cripple.

JASON ST. LAWRENCE

[grabs two rackets and a birdie, throwing one racket to Brittanyman]  I'll serve.  [tries to serve but loses balance on peg-leg and falls]

BRITTANYMAN